I ran my first 10km race today. Organized by the Living Well foundation and the University of Florida, it was a contest between students and faculty. The track was pretty, with a lake and woods along the way.
What was most interesting was watching the thoughts and emotions arising in my mind:
1. Pre-Race:
I was a little awkward for this was my first competitive 10k run. I have always run alone, for my own sake, and was nervous about running with others. What if i burnt out, or couldn't finish? What if the others were really good? How could i hope to compete with americans who are so much fitter and train so much more for such events? Maybe i should have stayed at home and studied for the imminent exams.
I just kept saying 'No' to these thoughts. Afterall, how can i ever know what is good/bad for me without doing new things? How would i know how good/bad i am without doing things? I am scared by the thought of restricting myself to a limited set of beliefs and learning little about the world. And this kept me going on.
2. During the race -
I had nearly 25 people ahead of me in the first 5k lap. A part of me was saying run or you would be left behind, another part kept saying go slow, dont burn yourself out. I ignored these thoughts, as they are so tiring, and settled into a steady breathing rhythm and kept running at a pace slightly faster than comfortable. Instead of looking to the leader, i would look to the next person ahead of me and catch up to them one by one. By the second lap, i was in third place.
I was helped by the interval training i have done for the last month and a half. This involves alternating between jogging and sprinting. Plus i have been having a more protein rich diet.
3. End of the race-
Throughout the second lap, i kept my focus on the two guys ahead of me and kept gently accelerating to catch up. They had a 120 m lead which i eventually cut to 20m, and i finished third in the race, at 44:11 seconds, 20 seconds behind the second placed guy. Not a bad debut!
I felt a mixture of emotions - euphoria, that i had not only completed the run but had actually been successful against runners who had participated in many more events. My small mind, which was filled with doubts at the begining, was now dying to get back and announce to the whole world that i had won, i had won.
And then i thought, how futile, how juvenile is this mind, which measures my worth based on how the world is, rather than trusting my capability. Guruji had mentioned in 'Feelings and Fools - "How can a piece of wood (an award) be the most important thing in your life? Don't you know that you are good?" And i felt much calmer and clearer then.
In all competitions i have participated in, the winner is always a person who believes in himself, before comparing himself/herself with others. And that self belief is beautiful.
Jai Gurudeva!
