Getting out of examophobia

What is so off-putting about applying one’s backside to the chair and burning the midnight oil?

When we dream, we dream of perfection. In our dreams, we are never doing things semi-perfectly. All results are perfect, all action is effortless.

Sadly, in real work, even when we know what needs to be done, the perfection seems so far away. Either we are plain bored and uninterested, or suddenly ‘discover’ other must-do things, or crave for fun, or witness spectacular dreams and memories coming to life. Then there is negativity – “C’mon you do not really remember everything you read. And you are killing yourself for such abysmal output! Take a break, come back and you would be fresh full of life and ready to rip.” Sadly, that ready to rip state happens once in a blue moon, and almost never after that break. And for some, like me, your philosophy muscles burst with eureka moments about why we are the way we are? And we need to pen it immediately. If only these flashes came around during semester breaks.

We often believe that this problem will go away once we are not students. I am sure you would have thought at times – “What do those working adults know of what we have to go through? Once I start my career, everyone will truly know how awesome I am.” Then we join our jobs and realize, surprise surprise, that have to go through the same emotional washing machine everyday!

It is so easy to start towards a goal, but so hard to actually accomplish it!

Wouldn’t it be amazing to not be bothered by the imperfection, about the way you are feeling, about how sexy the idea in your head really sounds and why it would change the world, or by how urgent this other task really is? Just imagine if you could sit to study, and only study! The kriya definitely helps, but wisdom is needed here.

I remember Rashmin had indicated something very interesting – he said that one must master “the art of not dealing with the mind.” Either fighting thoughts and sensations, or yielding to them creates trouble. What works then? Recognizing that these thoughts and actions come from the same divine source as you, and there is nothing right or wrong about them. They do not need your co-operation or support. Let them go their way, and you go your way. Have an ‘adult’ relationship with your feelings and thoughts.

This wisdom helped me all through my IIT days. When I started playing basketball, when I started playing the guitar, when I started doing seva and organizing courses, it would take me forever to start doing the job, be doubtful and bored through the job, and the results were understandably discouraging. I resisted the shortcomings initially. But as I started accepting them, and taking action, I would miraculously discover insights into succeeding. Either something would just ‘click’ or someone would come up with an awesome tip out of the blue. Consequently, I would be successful at the task, and more dispassionate at the same time.

This acceptance is a skill. It happens only when you are committed to winning and giving your 100%, and you get better at it the more you do it. And as you become more accepting of yourself, bigger challenges will come your way! And bigger rewards too. And at the same time, you don’t get swayed by extremes!